New Year, Old Shit.

*A broken swing*, depicting the monotony of life.

Hello, you!

As we near the end of the first month this year, do you feel any different? Do you feel like a new you? How are those new year resolutions coming along? To be honest, I don’t feel any differently than I did last month. I am the same old me. My search of a meaningful purpose in life has reached nowhere yet. Or it’s everywhere, tangled up like a fly in Mr. Spider’s gigantic web. My friends remain the same though, uncertain about their place in my life and my family feels exactly the way they always have. What is it about the promise of a new year that makes people place their bets on it? Is life magically supposed to fix itself as the clock strikes 12 on the night of 31st December every year? Or is it simply the hope of a better time that keeps us going when the year doesn’t treat us very well?

I recently read somewhere that happiness depends on biological factors and not just your physiological surroundings. While some people are capable of producing more “happy hormones”, others simply aren’t as lucky. This basically means that some of us are wired to be miserable our entire lives despite our best efforts at being happy. And while we’re on this quest of being happy, the more we learn, the deeper we fall into a pit of disappointments. I’ve figured out the purpose of human life on this planet is non-existent. We delude ourselves into ticking off milestones like getting a job, marrying someone, having kids, paying our taxes, so we don’t ever stop and realize the redundancy of our lives. At the risk of sounding objectively nihilistic, what really is the point of anything?

I’m sure a lot of us feel this uncertainty at some point in our lives but how do we get around to feeling better? I’ve been trying to find multiple ways of getting my happy hormones, namely endorphins, dopamine and serotonin to increase and biologically help myself. Physical exercises, sex, laughter, calm meditation etc. do help but they don’t last. Happiness is momentary much alike our lives and while there isn’t a lot we can permanently keep intact, I do believe we are intellectually capable of growing into being a different person, if need be. Perhaps we can learn to not be so disappointed with ourselves if we start appreciating things we have grown accustomed to look over. Maybe the key to satisfaction is knowing that most of what we know is irrelevant and that a lot in the abyss of unknown will remain so for generations to come. While the scientific revolution connected us to each other in the fastest ways possible, it failed to measure the subjective quota of human satisfaction. Are we happier now that we can stalk anyone anytime than we were earlier without the easy access of internet?

We have grown to intake information from around the world to ponder over. While this helps us stay aware of the socio-political happenings, it also induces a massive amount of stress. The more we realize our limitations in actually helping the middle-east with peace are, the more it stresses us out. “Every individual can make a difference if they try hard enough” is a utopian cliché that pushes us to work in a certain direction. It doesn’t really help, just deludes you into a particular kind of lifestyle. As I enter my mid-20s and my veil of ignorance gets lifted up, reality starts to envelop me heavily. The truth is, it’s next to impossible to help others without helping yourself. And so as I lay here wondering about what will truly make me feel alive, I hope you have better answers going on for you because to me it merely feels like a new year covered with the same old shit!

Happy 2018!


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